The Latest

Aug 29, 2014 / 118,312 notes

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Aug 28, 2014 / 118,312 notes

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Aug 28, 2014 / 107,005 notes

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Aug 28, 2014 / 237,769 notes

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Aug 28, 2014

NG Tube

In hospital again.
It was decided to get strong enough for my operation I should be tube fed,so here I am,in more pain than I originally came in for with a tube down my nose,I think it’s possibly the most uncomfortable,painful thing ever.
I didn’t even get the chance to decide to drink my calories instead which is fucking out of order but I’m seen as anorexia instead of me.
I have realised how much this has fucked me up,I can’t even be normal and get up and have toast for breakfast because bread scares me shitless and all I can think about is calories,I pray everyday anorexia is going to give me something I will never have,to be thin.

Aug 24, 2014 / 1 note

Cereal.

Yep,another awful day.
I cried hysterically over my normal “safe” breakfast and mum told me to stop having a “paddy” but I managed to skip the milk. I fucking hate how much milk I have to have,I prefer my branflakes soggy but the amount I have to have is ridiculous,makes me want to gag,it would be ok if it was almond milk because it has a lot more flavour,but normal milk is ew. Rarely do I have the milk in my cereal so there’s no point of even having extra ugh.
Managed to skip lunch
Afternoon snack because I’m struggling massively was 2 calorie shots and a cup of smoothie,I couldn’t cope with eating anything and I suppose at least it was healthy,just full of good stuff.
I had to cook my own dinner which I’m not meant to but at least it gave me a chance to restrict,although I now feel extremely guilty for eating it.
I am dreading night snack as the guilt and everything today is hugely overwhelming,I look like a huge fat pig.
The troubles of having a good day =
1.ok body image
2.ok with eating
Both of them I rarely have,so I guess I rarely have good days.
I don’t want to eat,I hate this,everyone is lying to me,I don’t need to get better,I don’t need to gain weight,I need to loose.
I hate the sound of food,I hate the sound of people chewing and swallowing,it makes my skin crawl,I want to scream and cry when someone eats with there mouth open because it makes me feel so uncomfortable,why why why can’t people let me give up,I want to go back to 2 meals a week.

colorfulgradients:

colorful gradient 2096
Aug 22, 2014 / 127 notes

colorfulgradients:

colorful gradient 2096

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Aug 22, 2014 / 46,718 notes
Aug 22, 2014 / 37,443 notes
paintdeath:

Sculpture by Kate Macdowell
Aug 22, 2014 / 12,894 notes

paintdeath:

Sculpture by Kate Macdowell

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ruinedchildhood:

these are harder then they look
Aug 22, 2014 / 77,426 notes

ruinedchildhood:

these are harder then they look

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Aug 22, 2014 / 442 notes
suelennon:

John Lennon, Tahiti, 1964. Picture taken by George Harrison.
Aug 22, 2014 / 33 notes

suelennon:

John Lennon, Tahiti, 1964. Picture taken by George Harrison.

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Aug 21, 2014 / 872 notes

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Aug 21, 2014 / 164,056 notes